I consider myself a patient man. I know this because it’s been tested. At my last job I’ve been spat on, only to remain calm and to use the act as a teachable moment. My student’s routinely cussed me out instead of accepting classwork, or would kindly tell me what I could do to myself rather than listen to a history lecture. Were those fun times? Not in particular, but I managed. I could still reason with my students (most of them). I learned that was the factor I needed in order to keep my cool. As long as I was dealing with rational personnel, I could stay patient and remain professional.
The home front, I’ve learned, is a horse of a different color. There’s plenty in any given day to try my patience, but there is one specific stunt my son pulls that consistently beats out my virtue. It’s when he is so tired that he can’t sleep. Why God? Why? Why engineer our offspring to be incapable of falling asleep when it’s the primary reason of their discomfort? My brain can’t handle it. When considering all of the fail safes in the human body, it blows my mind that a baby cries because it is too tired to sleep. As a result it gets more upset, thus more crying. It’s a vicious cycle. Shouldn’t it just… sleep?
There have been several times when I shake my head and grumble under my breath. “God, this must be a design flaw.” The statement doesn’t change anything except making me feel better. The humor that is. I know better to call God out on His perfect design. Still, even though I feel better, I can’t help but to wonder. Why?
I don’t know why. If you were hoping I’d unlocked the secret then I am sorry to disappoint. The one thing God revealed to me, is that I am the flaw. It’s my own impatience that is frustrating me. In the moment I think it is the unsolved problem, my son crying, that is driving me crazy. Is that how all sin is? The anger we feel when we have been wronged, or the frustration that eats us when we are tired of waiting- is it all on us? I guess so, it’s my own sin. I think most people would agree that is the case, and it’s easy to do that when we examine ourselves outside of the moment. The trick is being self aware, everyday, all day. It’s hard, but it would keep us out of our own vicious cycles. Think about it. I get frustrated because my son is crying. In my own frustration I am unable to soothe my son, which in turn keeps him crying and my frustration levels only grow. Now that is a true design flaw, and one God didn’t intend. Sin is the flaw we introduced into God’s perfect design.
Lesson I learned? Stay self aware. Examine myself at the end of the day. Renew my mind with God’s word.